it seems the day after a party or get together I get so depressed. I'm just depressed all the time. im so sick of feeling sad and upset all the time. also, panicky. Anxious. all those feelings. I wish I was a more happy person. it would be better for me, Dax and even Kai. but i'm not. i'm this thing before you. upset and worried all the time. Even when I'm trying to have a good time...there's an underlying feeling of panic and depression. I guess I'm going to eventually go get some therapy. I wish we had insurance. I'd go in a heart beat.
So It's almost 10:30 and I"m waiting for Kai to get up for the day. I don't know why I want him around. we'll just end up fighting. It's like a bad drug. You want it when it's not around you but once you get it you feel like crap. good drugs aren't like that but bad ones are. I've already gone upstairs and tried to wake him up but he didn't seem interested in getting up. he's gonna have such a hard time going to sleep tonight.
I've got to try and get some memory in his new laptop. that's not going to be fun or easy. Now i'm just rambling. this isn't making me feel any bette so i'm going to stop. hopefully i'll continue this blog. I hate complaining and that seems when I do when writing a journal.
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