So I have to find it in me to ask my dad for more money. We don't have any money for food for the next week. I don't know what to do. I don't want to ask him for money. I don't want to hear the lecture. Kai doesn't call asking for money from anyone. It's just me. That the way our entire relationship has been. I've been the one that has to do all the asking for the hard stuff. I'm the one that always has to be the one that gives stuff up. I do without so that Kai can be comfortable. well...that's not fair but that's the way I feel. I need things to change. I need things to get easier. I'm hanging on by a thread. and it's a very thin thread. I'm so sad. I'm so frustrated. I want to just disappear into the night. leaving all behind me. sometimes I don't know if my love for Dax is strong enough to keep me here and doing this. Kai said it would be easier if he was doing this alone. NO FUCKING SHIT. he doesn't understand that I feel that same way. it would be so much easier to just take off and be by myself. I'd never had to deal with this bullshit and I could get my life back together. with him and Dax it's nearly impossible. at least it feels that way.
I'm going to spend the last $10 I have on sending the books to the people who ordered them. at least it'll get me $65. I need to put more books online in hopes that people buy them. If I can make another $45 I'll request the money and get another $100 for next week. It'll help. I guess I"m going to have to ask Dad for money. I wish I didn't have to. It really sucks.
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