Staring into the eyes of the Great White Beast...

ok..that's a little dramatic but i've seen this movie (ice age: dawn of the dinosaur) several million times. I know this movie. at least it's more entertaining than some of the movies out there. especially land before time.

well...the house is semi ready for sherry's arrival. I cleaned most of it but it's still a bit cluttered...but then again...my life has always been cluttered...not matter how much I get rid of and believe me...I get rid of things. constantly even...but it seems we just have too much stuff to start with..

i meditated again last night. 5 minutes. it wasn't as good as the night before. i think i was just so tired i could barely concentrate. but i did meditate. i guess i'm feeling better. my stomach doesn't hurt as much anymore. and i'm eating more...but now i'm just eating. which isn't the best thing. i'm trying to eat smaller portions. I'm no longer breast feeding so i'd like to start taking diet pills. appetite suppressants...that sort of thing.

Boy my stomach hurts

i don't know what it is but my stomach is in knots. it doesn't make the stress any more manageable...it actually makes it worse. I could have used more sleep too. Dax just doesn't like to keep to his side...it's actually starting to get really annoying. we need a bigger bed.

the meditation went very well last night. i think i was mediating for 6 minutes total. at times i felt myself go into a trance...unfortunately i'd shake myself out of it by recognizing the state. but i was doing well. of course the sex and orgasm just before the meditation helped a lot. it was nice to connect with Kai...he needed it too.

things really have to change over here. we need to have things work out a little better than they have. i'm really tired of all the stress and negative situations in my life. I'm ready for some peace. Hopefully i'm on the right path.