Years ago I had a choice to make. It was a job I was offered as a teacher. I actually had a teaching job that I could have started. A job as a pre-k teacher. it was mine. I turned it down,to the surprise of the principal. I was scared. that is why i didn't take it. I thought I would fail...so I didn't take it. I was stupid. If I had taken that job I would NOT be here right now. I would never have met Kai and I would never have owed my family so much money. I would never have taken my families money. Of course I never would have had Dax. I may still be with Phil, although I doubt it. I wouldn't be in debt. My life would be completely different. That was the decision that I made that put me here. right here where I am now. I was afraid to take a job and now this is what my life is.
Of course, I never would have met the foo fighters or met Vicky, Dauby, Lindsay, Racheal, and many others. I would never have taken the European trip I took, although I may have taken another trip. i would never have gone to NYC when I did before the World Trade Centers collapsed.
It doesn't help to regret the decisions you made, but I sometimes wish I hadn't made the decisions out of fear. I see Dax doing that in the future. He seems to be afraid of things. He's so cautious. I don't know if i'm giving him the best like I can give him. I'm such a shut in. I hope things start getting better and I'm able to find some help to deal with my fears. If not I can see myself really having a hard time taking the steps to better myself.
I love my son. I'm so happy I have him. I wish I didn't feel like my life was a mistake.
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