meditation

last night i had a long talk with mary...first in over a year. it was a nice conversation and she suggested and taught me how to mediate. So last night after I got dax to sleep i sat down in my little corner in our room...lit a candle...and started to meditate. i think i was really doing a good job but of course kai came in and interrupted me about half way through. in his defense (my mantra) he didn't know what i was doing. but he didn't leave right away seeing what i was trying to do and giving me some time either. he hated the fact i even called my sister.

i'm so stressed out that my stomach is killing me. i haven't really eaten too much in a couple of days. i hate feeling like this. what a bummer.

i guess i should tell the story but i'm so exhausted i don't have the energy to get into it. not that i want to remember this time. it really is a shit time for us right now. sometimes i wonder if i need to leave kai to make things better...but then again...it could make things worse.

so tonight i'll try and meditate again...i'm so exhausted though...i wonder if i'll be able to do it. i'll keep you posted on how the meditation progresses.